Watch Out, Your Sibling Could be “Gunning” for You

When it comes to leaving inheritance some parents want to treat all their children equally regardless of whom has more responsibility in their care.  Others wish to reward those that do more than their share.  And either way is their personal choice.  No matter what your share of inheritance, you have a moral obligation to do what is best for your aging parent.

From my early teen years, my mom and I were close.  We spent  a lot of time together when I still lived at home.  We often went for evening swims  in Crab Orchard Lake.  She and I went to countless movies together, one of our favorite activities to share.  After I left home for school and then had a family of my own, we would be up until all hours of the night when we got together, talking and catching up.  We loved each other  and had an easy trusting relationship.  We never had a serious rift until after dad died and  mom had a stroke and The spider then began handling mom’s investments, keeping her checkbook, etc.  And that’s when the strangeness began.

It started with sudden secrecy and advanced to manipulation of her meds.  It involved the “giving” of “gifts”.  Mom wasn’t totally innocent in her own demise.  In her lack of self-esteem, she often rewarded attention with money.  That was part of her undoing, because that feeds right into the hands of those that are greedy and unprincipled.  At some point a line can be crossed and the giving becomes payment for safety.

I witnessed that mom was being taken advantage of.  I witnessed the poisoning of her mind–the fears that were intentionally planted.  I witnessed the pressuring she was under to hand out more and more to The spider.  Once mom confided in my older sister and I about her fears, we moved her to an assisted living care facility and removed The spider as her POA.  Her will was left untouched–leaving 1/3 of her estate to each of us girls.   She was safe and happy and all went well for three years while The spider stayed away.  The she saw an opening to regain control of mom’s assets.   Under her influence, mom accused me of trying to kill her.  She thought the staff was trying to poison her in the dining room.   I tried to protect mom through legal means, but the judge didn’t seem to understand the danger mom was in.  He decided she didn’t need a guardian.  He stated in his written judgement that she expressed a desire to remain in the assisted living care center where she lived.  He stated that her trust work done by her attorney was appropriate and that everything should remain as it was.  But none of that happened.  I know my mom was upset about the attorney fees that were involved (about $35000 total, which was a tiny portion of her wealth).  Left to her own doing she would likely have penalized me for those costs.  Instead within a few weeks, I had been removed as her POA for property and healthcare, and her entire estate was given upon her death to The spider, cutting out myself and my eldest sister entirely.  Her new trust documents also stated that mom could not change her will or trust without permission of The spider–her sole beneficiary.  Does that sound like something one with a sound mind would do?

Mom never would have disinherited me were it not for undue influence by The spider.  But let’s suppose for a moment that I got what I deserved.  What kind of care did mom receive after the middle daughter took over?  She had an elective surgery on her knee, which from what I knew of her medical history (and I knew it better than anyone) she wouldn’t be able to tolerate. She never walked again.  She was  moved repeatedly–all to keep her hidden from me and my other sister.  Nursing home staff, doctors and nurses were all ordered to deny knowledge of her whereabouts or her condition.  The spider told someone who was a good friend of mom’s that her location was “highly confidential”.

She was dead within 9 months of the judge’s ruling, following a head injury, caused according to The spider, by a staff member at a nursing home pitching her out of a wheelchair.  I was never allowed to see the official state report which is required by law to be filed.   According to the medical records, the physician that treated her at the hospital wrote a protocol for her care, which The spider signed off on.  But instead a physician from 45 miles away that The spider hired,  signed the papers to put her in hospice and her food and water was taken away from her–something she had always previously forbidden in her living wills.

For what  Earthly reason would you move and elderly person repeatedly?  What a disorientation to a person that has no sight at all in one eye and macular generation in the other and is very hard of hearing.  What kind of monster would keep an elderly person’s own children away?  Carole and I never hurt mom.  She thrived under our care.

As it turns out, our family’s tragedy is a common occurrence in America.  Baby-boomers listen up!  The largest transfer of wealth in history is occurring and you may think you won’t have trouble like this in your family.  I thought my sister loved me.  I knew money was very important to her, but I didn’t expect her to throw us all under the bus.

The legal system let mom and I down.  And beware of the HIPPA laws.  While on the surface the concept is good, it allows a person with medical power of attorney to have enormous power, literally life and death power.  I don’t know what the solution is, but the conversation needs to take place.

2 Responses to “Watch Out, Your Sibling Could be “Gunning” for You”

  1. What a sad, sad tale. Your dear Mother died without having the love surrounding her that you & your older sister had to share. I don’t think The Spider had any love at all, except for the love of your Mother’s money. One only hopes that someday The Spider gets what she deserves.


  2. I do think she should have to answer for what she did.


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