8/8 The Book of August

DebbieToday is my eldest daughter’s 40th birthday.  I remember sitting and watching her play when she was about 2 when I had this weird experience.  I realized, for the first time that she was actually a totally separate human being.  I guess until that moment I must have thought of her as an extension of myself, as weird as that sounds.  Maybe other first time mothers do the same, I don’t know.

Debra was always smiling.  I big toothy smile, with twinkling eyes.  She had those dark, full-of-life eyes, accentuated by thick black lashes.  She was passionate, dramatic, intelligent, sensitive, ambitious, determined.  From the time she was in third grade she had planned on being a marine biologist.

Today she would be older than I was the last time she visited the lake.   Last year I connected with the man that was the captain of the rescue squad in 1989.  He remembered her well and was most receptive to helping me.  I planned on making the trip Last year but The Crash prevented it.  This year I was not to be deterred.  This morning he took Robin and I out to Lick Creek Bay on Lake Barkley, the sight of the accident.  Some would probably think that an odd way to remember her birthday, but to me it seemed fitting.  I had never been capable of making the trip before–feeling that it would be too overwhelmingly emotional.  But the passage of time changes things.   Doing it on her birthday helped to frame it in my mind in a less painful way than on say the anniversary of her death–also in August.

While I was there I soaked my hands in the water and then dipped up a cupful.  Tonight I will pour it in Debra’s memorial pond in our front yard.

One Response to “8/8 The Book of August”

  1. I like the idea of scooping up the cupful of water from the lake to pour into Debra’s memorial pond in your front yard. I think it was very wise of you to plan the outing on her birthday, to focus on her life and the love & joy you had with her over the years, instead of the day she was stolen from you.


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